


and locking me to you

by fatsuffices (wrenchwench)



Category: Realm of the Elderlings - Robin Hobb
Genre: Multi, a teeny tiny change makes a big difference!, lets see what happens when fitz isn't a huge homophobe., sorry robin hobb!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-12-07 10:59:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11622153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wrenchwench/pseuds/fatsuffices
Summary: in which fitz sees something private and develops a rather more tolerant worldview





	and locking me to you

**Author's Note:**

> yes i did change the title of this fic JUST so i could ensure that all of my ROTE fic had quotes from poems as the titles

It was perhaps only three years or so after I had begun my training with Chade that I saw it. The kitchen boy I recognised, as he had been nice to me that morning as I went around my tasks, tossing me a sweet bun from a platter filled with them that he was carrying away from the serving hall. At thirteen I was almost too old to be considered properly a child, and so I was surprised that he had even taken the time to notice me and feel sorry for my clearly hungry look at the food, but it made me feel kindly towards him nonetheless. 

I had ducked into one of the hideaways Chade had shown me, desperate to escape Regal, who was in a foul mood for reasons of his own. Silent, I pressed myself backwards into the cupboard, having locked the door from the inside, and waited for the noises outside to go away, watching through a little gap as Regal and his entourage went noisily by. After about five minutes I judged myself to be safe, and went to open the door again, but stopped myself when I heard more footsteps. I did not want my presence to be discovered - and moreover I wanted nobody to know I hid myself in cupboards. I could only imagine what rumours that might start.

From around a corner came the kitchen boy, and another young man I recognised but did not know - he was one of my multitude of second or third cousins, and I confess many of their names escaped me. They stopped in front of my hiding space, and I cursed myself for not getting out sooner. There was a window across from me, and it had a rather wide ledge of stone, and they sat there, the sun silhouetting them, turning them into shadow-puppets instead of boys. 

Their conversation was very quiet, and even I, who was so close, could barely hear what they were saying. Apart from their murmurs, all else was silent, and I drifted off into daydreams instead of paying attention to what was going on around me. Once I came back to myself - which could only have been a few minutes later, no matter how interminably long being trapped in that little cupboard felt - I noticed that their voices had stopped. I wondered at once if they had left, and leaned forward once more to peek out at the corridor.

They had not left. They had stopped talking, not for lack of anything to say, but because they were otherwise occupied. I found myself unable to look away, my gaze locked on where they met, mouth to mouth. I tried to rationalise it for a moment, almost unwilling to believe that what I saw was the truth, and then found that there was no other explanation, however strange it seemed to me in that moment that two boys could kiss.  

Then there were voices from the stairwell, and they broke apart, blushing, and I blinked for the first time in what felt like many hours, the sun slicing between their blushing faces and haloing their heads. Their mouths were very red, I noted, and wondered after a moment if that was why women wore red paint on their lips. I resolved to ask Chade.

They embraced each other, tight and fervent, and then left, each going a different way, looking very pleased with themselves. I would not discover it until much, much later, but I had witnessed their first kiss.

Later that night, I was sorting through piles of various dried herbs as Chade made some terrible-smelling concoctions. I had spent some time already working up both the courage and the phrasing for the question I wanted to ask, but suddenly he stopped what he was doing and looking right at me.

“So? When are you going to come out with whatever you’re thinking of?”

And of course, my carefully crafted query was shattered, and what I actually said was,

“Boys.”

Immediately I dropped the sheaf of catbane I was twisting into a braid lest I tear it in half in my irritation with myself.

“Chade! I meant-”

But here I cut myself off, because he had his head in his hands and his shoulders were shaking so violently I thought that he might fall off his chair. For a moment or two I thought with horror that he was sobbing, but he quickly disabused me of that notion by drawing an enormous breath and then snorting it out again, nearly choking with laughter.

“Chade,” I remonstrated, feeling my cheeks burn with humiliation, “please, I didn’t mean to say it like that.”

“Then what did you mean to say,” he managed, barely able to breathe for his mirth. Slink the weasel had come to investigate and I shooed him away from the herbs, picking up the catsbane once more and tucking in the ends to make a neat bundle.

“I meant to say - oh, stop,” I said, as he burst out laughing afresh, “stop, I have a question for you, a real one. I saw Daret the kitchen boy and my cousin, the skinny one with curly hair, he wears it in a topknot. I was hiding in the unused cabinet in the north tower stairs, across from the low window, and I saw them.”

“Yes,” Chade said, wiping his cheeks with the sleeve of his robe, still grinning widely, “go on. And your cousin is called Aleiff. Brother of Toreiff.”

“I’ll remember for next time, Chade. But..”

And I hesitated again, fumbling, and he kicked gently at my chair. 

“Either say it or do not, but don’t make me wait, boy.”

“They kissed,” I said, all at once. “They kissed each other, even though they are both men.”

Chade had sobered a little, and his green eyes were fixed on me. I could not keep his gaze and instead ducked my head to where my hands still fiddled with the catbane.

“I don’t hear a question, boy.”

I knew he would not answer until I did as I was told, even though my mouth felt dry as I spoke to him.

“I do not understand why-- why boys would kiss, when that is a thing that men and women do together. Boys should not kiss each other. Only girls.”

“Only girls should kiss each other?” he said dryly, in his constant battle to ensure that my phrasing was clear and unambiguous. “I think, Fitz, that you will find that things are not quite as clear cut as you think. You may have never seen men show this kind of affection for each other before, but I assure you it is not uncommon - merely hidden. Describe to me exactly what you saw, and we will discuss it further.”

And so I laid out what had happened that day, from dodging Regal to my eventual escape from the cupboard, and he nodded and stirred the pot on the fire, which was giving off some very odd vapours.

“So, you see that they ensured they were alone. Or at least as alone as they could be, spies in cupboards notwithstanding. They are well aware that their love is not seen kindly by others, boy, but I assure you that there are many people you know who have loved within their gender.”

Perhaps the fumes from the pot had went to my head by this point, because I immediately said, 

“Have you?”

Chade looked rather vague for a moment, as though his mind had gone far away.

“I’m a special case, boy. But you could say yes. Now, this night has gone on long enough. Go, go - it will be dawn sooner than you would think.”

And he would say no more to me about it, merely hustling me down the stairs and into my bed. I lay there awake for far longer than was wise, my thoughts chasing themselves around and around in my head. Many people I knew who had loved within their gender? Who could they possibly be?


End file.
